Get off my lawn
Note: The following will appear soon in the Statesboro Herald.
After nearly three years of marriage, Yes Dear and I thought it was a good time to take the next logical step in our relationship.
(Sorry Mom, we’re not having a kid, but the idea of telling you about it though one of my columns does seem appealing.)
No, instead we decided to buy a house. I guess, technically, the bank bought a house and we’re going to spend the next 30 years paying them for it. But semantics aside, we now own a home.
And now I get to look forward to all the joys and trials of home ownership, including spending my weekends working around the house rather than watching ball games and constantly praying for rain to nourish my lawn.
Instead of calling a landlord when something breaks, I’ve actually got to call someone to fix it – and pay for it. For all you students out there renting, there are some benefits to it.
However, now that I have a house of my own, there are quite a few things I’m looking forward to doing.
First of all, I know that I have years of yelling at the neighborhood children to get off my lawn whenever they cut though my backyard on the way to their friend’s house.
Along with that, I guess I’ve reached the stage in life where I can grumble and complain about the state of America’s youth.
“Kids today with their iPods and their Internets. Back in my day, we had a healthy dose of respect for our elders. We had good, wholesome entertainment like MTV and rap music. And look how well adjusted I turned out to be."
I’m not sure if 27 is old enough to play the role of crotchety old guy in the neighborhood, but it always seemed like a fun role to play. I always got the feeling the cranky old fuddy-duddy who hated kids would go inside after yelling at them and take some kind of twisted delight in scaring kids into submission.
I’ll also have the opportunity to be the house that all the neighborhood kids scurry past on Halloween because “that’s where ‘Old Man Martin’ lives" followed by some wildly exaggerated tale of horror that has no basis in truth.
In all fairness, I really don’t think I’m allowed to tell any kids to get off my lawn without being labeled as some sort of hypocrite. I’m pretty sure I wore a path in the yards of the people who lived between my house and my friends’ house. And as far as I know, none of the neighbors ever complained to my parents.
(If they did, my parents must have ignored them as they never told us not to go running through people’s yards. Although that could explain why my parents are never invited to the neighborhood Christmas party, even 15 years later.)
When I was tossing around the idea of writing this column, I was all set to include a part about how we must have offended the neighbors because they hadn’t taken the time to come introduce themselves and bring us a pie to welcome us to the neighborhood. Unfortunately for this column, it turns out our neighbors turned out to really nice and even though they didn’t give us a pie, we did get some banana-nut muffins, which were pretty good.
And now they’re inviting us to dinner. How can I relentlessly mock my neighbors if they’re going to be friendly and polite? Obviously they don’t care about my needs or they’d fill a stereotypical role to make my job easier.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go water my grass.
New Wedding Tradition: I
was listening to the Sports Bash on ESPN Radio and the host said he has a tradition at every wedding he attends. At some point before the bride and groom cut the cake, he takes a dab of icing with his finger. He doesn't jab his finger into the cake and leave a giant hole, but just a swipe off the side. This sounds like a way to keep weddings exciting for me. I just wish I'd thought of it four years ago when all my friends were getting married.
What's been new with me update: You'd think I'd have a lot going on, but the truth of the matter is I'm just plugging along at work as I always do. Now I just go home to a different place each night.
Official Brother Baseball Update: Two weeks ago, Yes Dear, Official Brother and I w
ent to Atlanta to watch the Red Sox (Official Brother's favorite team) take on the Braves. Boston won all three games and we were able to see a lot of our friends who live in the Atlanta area. A good time was had by all (except the Braves fans, who were vastly outnumbered by the Red Sox fans there.)
Kids are easily entertained update: As it turns out, there is a four-year-old girl who lives across the street from us. Whenever her mom is outside, she's with her and when they came to introduce themselves, the little girl decided it would be fun to play "chase." (Apparently this is a lot like "tag" only I never get to be the one being chased, I always have to chase her. I guess if you're making up the rules to the game, you can do this.) Well, now, everytime that I see her, she wants to play chase. I'm as friendly as the next guy, but not as in shape as the next guy. It's fun to play, but I'm worn out by the time we're done. Maybe it's because I sit behind a desk all day, but I'm out of shape.
F
antasy update: Denise Richards still hasn't sought me out to comfort her as she still struggles with the break up of her marriage to Charlie Sheen, but I'm still holding out hope she'll call me. (Denise, if you're reading, Yes Dear is going to be out of town this weekend, so I'm available.) In other Fantasy News, I'm not sure where I left off with the updates, so I'll just say I'm in first place in one league and sixth place in the other. Overall, as we near the half-way point in the season, I'm feeling pretty good about my teams (even the sixth place team.) I guess all those hours reading about how to analyze statistics during the winter is finally paying off.
Open House Update: When you buy a house, you're supposed to hold an open house party for your friends. I was unaware of this, but Yes Dear wanted to do it, so who am I to say no. It's scheduled for July 8 so if you're in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by. (Ladies, in the interest of remaining married, if you do stop by, please let my wife know you read my blog so she doesn't wonder why strange women are appearing at our door. Thanks.)
Well, I guess there's nothing left to say but that it's good to be back. I missed you guys.
After nearly three years of marriage, Yes Dear and I thought it was a good time to take the next logical step in our relationship.
(Sorry Mom, we’re not having a kid, but the idea of telling you about it though one of my columns does seem appealing.)
No, instead we decided to buy a house. I guess, technically, the bank bought a house and we’re going to spend the next 30 years paying them for it. But semantics aside, we now own a home.
And now I get to look forward to all the joys and trials of home ownership, including spending my weekends working around the house rather than watching ball games and constantly praying for rain to nourish my lawn.
Instead of calling a landlord when something breaks, I’ve actually got to call someone to fix it – and pay for it. For all you students out there renting, there are some benefits to it.
However, now that I have a house of my own, there are quite a few things I’m looking forward to doing.
First of all, I know that I have years of yelling at the neighborhood children to get off my lawn whenever they cut though my backyard on the way to their friend’s house.
Along with that, I guess I’ve reached the stage in life where I can grumble and complain about the state of America’s youth.
“Kids today with their iPods and their Internets. Back in my day, we had a healthy dose of respect for our elders. We had good, wholesome entertainment like MTV and rap music. And look how well adjusted I turned out to be."
I’m not sure if 27 is old enough to play the role of crotchety old guy in the neighborhood, but it always seemed like a fun role to play. I always got the feeling the cranky old fuddy-duddy who hated kids would go inside after yelling at them and take some kind of twisted delight in scaring kids into submission.
I’ll also have the opportunity to be the house that all the neighborhood kids scurry past on Halloween because “that’s where ‘Old Man Martin’ lives" followed by some wildly exaggerated tale of horror that has no basis in truth.
In all fairness, I really don’t think I’m allowed to tell any kids to get off my lawn without being labeled as some sort of hypocrite. I’m pretty sure I wore a path in the yards of the people who lived between my house and my friends’ house. And as far as I know, none of the neighbors ever complained to my parents.
(If they did, my parents must have ignored them as they never told us not to go running through people’s yards. Although that could explain why my parents are never invited to the neighborhood Christmas party, even 15 years later.)
When I was tossing around the idea of writing this column, I was all set to include a part about how we must have offended the neighbors because they hadn’t taken the time to come introduce themselves and bring us a pie to welcome us to the neighborhood. Unfortunately for this column, it turns out our neighbors turned out to really nice and even though they didn’t give us a pie, we did get some banana-nut muffins, which were pretty good.
And now they’re inviting us to dinner. How can I relentlessly mock my neighbors if they’re going to be friendly and polite? Obviously they don’t care about my needs or they’d fill a stereotypical role to make my job easier.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go water my grass.
New Wedding Tradition: I
was listening to the Sports Bash on ESPN Radio and the host said he has a tradition at every wedding he attends. At some point before the bride and groom cut the cake, he takes a dab of icing with his finger. He doesn't jab his finger into the cake and leave a giant hole, but just a swipe off the side. This sounds like a way to keep weddings exciting for me. I just wish I'd thought of it four years ago when all my friends were getting married.What's been new with me update: You'd think I'd have a lot going on, but the truth of the matter is I'm just plugging along at work as I always do. Now I just go home to a different place each night.
Official Brother Baseball Update: Two weeks ago, Yes Dear, Official Brother and I w
ent to Atlanta to watch the Red Sox (Official Brother's favorite team) take on the Braves. Boston won all three games and we were able to see a lot of our friends who live in the Atlanta area. A good time was had by all (except the Braves fans, who were vastly outnumbered by the Red Sox fans there.)Kids are easily entertained update: As it turns out, there is a four-year-old girl who lives across the street from us. Whenever her mom is outside, she's with her and when they came to introduce themselves, the little girl decided it would be fun to play "chase." (Apparently this is a lot like "tag" only I never get to be the one being chased, I always have to chase her. I guess if you're making up the rules to the game, you can do this.) Well, now, everytime that I see her, she wants to play chase. I'm as friendly as the next guy, but not as in shape as the next guy. It's fun to play, but I'm worn out by the time we're done. Maybe it's because I sit behind a desk all day, but I'm out of shape.
F
antasy update: Denise Richards still hasn't sought me out to comfort her as she still struggles with the break up of her marriage to Charlie Sheen, but I'm still holding out hope she'll call me. (Denise, if you're reading, Yes Dear is going to be out of town this weekend, so I'm available.) In other Fantasy News, I'm not sure where I left off with the updates, so I'll just say I'm in first place in one league and sixth place in the other. Overall, as we near the half-way point in the season, I'm feeling pretty good about my teams (even the sixth place team.) I guess all those hours reading about how to analyze statistics during the winter is finally paying off.Open House Update: When you buy a house, you're supposed to hold an open house party for your friends. I was unaware of this, but Yes Dear wanted to do it, so who am I to say no. It's scheduled for July 8 so if you're in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by. (Ladies, in the interest of remaining married, if you do stop by, please let my wife know you read my blog so she doesn't wonder why strange women are appearing at our door. Thanks.)
Well, I guess there's nothing left to say but that it's good to be back. I missed you guys.
posted by Luke at 4:20 PM
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