Spelling mania

Hello, my name is Luke M. and I’m a nerd.

I watched the Scripps National Spelling Bee Thursday night. That’s right, years from now when someone asks me where I was when Katherine Close correctly spelled Ursprache and became the first girl (woman?) to win the Bee this millennium, I’ll be able to tell them.

While others have mocked the Bee and those who would watch it, I embrace the competition that puts an inordinate amount of pressure on middle school kids and then, for added dramatic effect, televises it to the nation for millions to deride these spelling savants.

(Official Brother and I discussed during the Bee the effects of these kids being on national television. On one hand, they are obviously geeks who have no real hobbies and probably spend their days learning the importance of a word’s etymology from Greek to Latin to German. I think that means there will be a “T” in the word where there shouldn’t be. On the other hand, do the guys in the spelling bee suddenly become Lyle Lovett or David Coperfield, dweeby guys who end up getting the hot babes in their middle school? More importantly, what does it say about me that I used the phrase “hot babes” in conjunction with the term “middle school.”

And on a slightly related note, Official Brother said he was cheering for Saryn Hooks (pictured to the right, more on her later), the girl who eventually finished third because she was “the cutest.” Official Brother is a senior in college. Warrants mentioning.)

Making the broadcast even better is the fact that the losers (and really, aren’t they all losers) were interviewed and obviously had no social skills whatsoever. One kid was asked why he was able to do so well and he said, “I don’t know, God, I guess.” Good times.

Also, this year, the finalists were on stage with their parents sitting a few feet away. (And you know they were all sitting there thinking to themselves “For the love of God, don’t you embarrass me on national television.” I kept waiting for one of them to get their word wrong and break into a profanity-laced tirade that would end with security guards dragging the kid off stage while he shouted “Free Tibet.”

Making matters worse, when the kids misspelled a word, they had to go sit with their parents, only the organizers apparently didn’t think about the fact that the kids would need a chair. So they’d misspell a word, dashing their hopes and dreams for life (because let’s be honest here, this is the apex of their life. It’s all downhill from here. I’m actually surprised there aren’t more former spelling bee losers who end up homeless and addicted to sniffing glue on the streets while holding the sign “Will spell babism for food,” but I digress), but they were also forced to sit on the floor while those better than them kept spelling.

There’s comedy, there’s high comedy, there’s transcendent comedy, and then there’s watching kids have to sit on the floor because they misspelled a word. Very good times indeed.

But back to Saryn Hooks for a minute. She was at the center of the controversy in this year’s Bee. In the eighth round, she was eliminated after the word hechsher (a rabbinical endorsement or certification), forcing her to go sit on the floor.

However, during the commercial break, it was discovered the judges (the NATIONAL SPELLING BEE judges, had misspelled the word and the 14-year old Hooks had spelled it correctly.) Back into the competition she went.

When the judges can’t spell their own words correctly, it’s time to wonder why we even have the words in the English language. Honestly, do Jewish people ever say Hechesher anymore, or do they just go with “uh, yeah, what the Rabbi said.”

Unfortunately, we’ve got to wait another year before we get to experience the ups and downs, the highs and lows of the greatest spectacle in academia, the Spelling Bee. Next year, we’ll do a Fantasy Spelling Bee and then people like Alison will have a reason to watch.

Weekend Plans: This is my last post from my apartment. We closed on our house on Thursday and we’ll be moving in this weekend. Unfortunately, I waited until today to plan for phone service at the new place, so I’ll be without Internet access until Wednesday. Please don’t leave, I promise I’ll post again sometime next week when I get a chance.

House Update: Well, we’re in the house, but everything isn’t completely done. For example, we have dead bolt locks on the doors, only the keys they gave us don’t actually unlock the dead bolts. I realize you’re building a house and there are numerous things that need to be taken care of, but keys for the locks. How do you mess that up?
Crotchety Old Guy Corollary: Now that I’m a homeowner, I look forward to yelling at kids to get off my lawn. (Kids today with their iPods and Internets. Back in my day we had good, wholesome entertainment like MTV and Rap Music. What’s wrong today’s youth.)

Have a great weekend everybody.