I choo choo choose you
The following is expected to be in the April 29 edition of the Statesboro Herald
I don't know if you've heard, but there's this little thing known as the NFL Draft starting today.
According to all the sports media outlets, this draft's importance lies somewhere between Jackie Robinson breaking baseball's color barrier and Jesus Christ returning. ESPN has apparently decided to abandon all other sports news for the past four months in favor or reporting on this draft, which apparently will set the course of human events for the next 250 years.
Players are moving up and down draft boards because they ran the 40-yard dash a few
hundredths of a second faster or slower than anticipated. I've been told the difference between a 4.38 time in the 40 and a 4.41 is significant. On a field that's 100 yards long, I'm not sure those .03 of a second are really going to make the difference between being a top-five selection and hoping Mel Kiper Jr. Draft Expert knows your name.
(And I haven't been able to get confirmation on this, but I believe Mel Kiper Jr. has legally changed his name to add "Draft Expert" at the end of his legal name. Every time he's introduced, he's called Mel Kiper Jr. Draft Expert.
On a related note, how does one become a "draft expert"? Is there a class? Is it like martial arts where you start out as "draft novice" and work your way up, making stops at "draft fan," "draft enthusiast," and "guy who knows a lot about the draft but isn't quite an expert yet." Someone needs to explain this before proclaiming himself as a "draft expert." I'd like to see some credentials.)
Fortunately ESPN has chosen to dedicate roughly 73 percent of it's air time to covering the draft, from reporting on how players did at the combine, what they scored on their Wonderlic Test and so many mock drafts that I'm thinking introducing myself as "Luke Martin, Mock Draft Expert" at parties. This way, I'll know all about players who may not make the team, but nothing about actual baseball games that count in the standings.
But all that is just the lead in to the orgy that is the actual NFL Draft. (Though, in true NFL fashion, it's technically the "NFL Annual Player Selection Meeting." I'd expect nothing less from a league that uses Roman numerals to designate its championship games.)
Beginning today at noon and for 27 hours over two days, teams will decide on a player, call a guy at a desk in New York whose only job is to write down the selection and hand it to a league official. Then, the commissioner (for the first round) or some flunky (for subsequent rounds) will read the name to a crowd of people who will boo the selection, no matter who it is.
I can't imagine anything more boring than sitting in whatever auditorium they're holding the draft and watching players’ names read off a card.
On second thought, I guess it could be worse. You could have to listen to Chris Berman, Michael Irvin and the aforementioned Draft Expert talk incessantly about a player's "upside" and "potential."
If I ever see one of them out in public, I would have to say there is huge potential that I would smack them upside their heads for subjecting us to the never-ending onslaught of draft coverage.
Making matters worse, teams are given 15 minutes between picks in the first round, meaning I could watch two baseball games and an NBA playoff game in the time it takes for all 32 picks in the opening round.
And for you draft fans that will feel a deep sense of sadness to the draft end Sunday night, don't worry. After you've forgotten all you learned preparing for this year's draft, another will be here to take its place next year.
I don't know if you've heard, but there's this little thing known as the NFL Draft starting today.
According to all the sports media outlets, this draft's importance lies somewhere between Jackie Robinson breaking baseball's color barrier and Jesus Christ returning. ESPN has apparently decided to abandon all other sports news for the past four months in favor or reporting on this draft, which apparently will set the course of human events for the next 250 years.
Players are moving up and down draft boards because they ran the 40-yard dash a few
hundredths of a second faster or slower than anticipated. I've been told the difference between a 4.38 time in the 40 and a 4.41 is significant. On a field that's 100 yards long, I'm not sure those .03 of a second are really going to make the difference between being a top-five selection and hoping Mel Kiper Jr. Draft Expert knows your name.(And I haven't been able to get confirmation on this, but I believe Mel Kiper Jr. has legally changed his name to add "Draft Expert" at the end of his legal name. Every time he's introduced, he's called Mel Kiper Jr. Draft Expert.
On a related note, how does one become a "draft expert"? Is there a class? Is it like martial arts where you start out as "draft novice" and work your way up, making stops at "draft fan," "draft enthusiast," and "guy who knows a lot about the draft but isn't quite an expert yet." Someone needs to explain this before proclaiming himself as a "draft expert." I'd like to see some credentials.)
Fortunately ESPN has chosen to dedicate roughly 73 percent of it's air time to covering the draft, from reporting on how players did at the combine, what they scored on their Wonderlic Test and so many mock drafts that I'm thinking introducing myself as "Luke Martin, Mock Draft Expert" at parties. This way, I'll know all about players who may not make the team, but nothing about actual baseball games that count in the standings.
But all that is just the lead in to the orgy that is the actual NFL Draft. (Though, in true NFL fashion, it's technically the "NFL Annual Player Selection Meeting." I'd expect nothing less from a league that uses Roman numerals to designate its championship games.)
Beginning today at noon and for 27 hours over two days, teams will decide on a player, call a guy at a desk in New York whose only job is to write down the selection and hand it to a league official. Then, the commissioner (for the first round) or some flunky (for subsequent rounds) will read the name to a crowd of people who will boo the selection, no matter who it is.
I can't imagine anything more boring than sitting in whatever auditorium they're holding the draft and watching players’ names read off a card.
On second thought, I guess it could be worse. You could have to listen to Chris Berman, Michael Irvin and the aforementioned Draft Expert talk incessantly about a player's "upside" and "potential."
If I ever see one of them out in public, I would have to say there is huge potential that I would smack them upside their heads for subjecting us to the never-ending onslaught of draft coverage.
Making matters worse, teams are given 15 minutes between picks in the first round, meaning I could watch two baseball games and an NBA playoff game in the time it takes for all 32 picks in the opening round.
And for you draft fans that will feel a deep sense of sadness to the draft end Sunday night, don't worry. After you've forgotten all you learned preparing for this year's draft, another will be here to take its place next year.
posted by Luke at 2:33 PM
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