Tempted by the fruit of another

I don’t often go looking for temptation. It usually has a way of finding me without much trouble.

So that’s what makes my upcoming odessy so uncharacteristic of me.

I’m actively seeking out a partner to cheat on my significant other with.

And more importantly, Yes Dear is fine with this and has offered to help me look.

As I’ve mentioned before, my parents got me MLB Extra Innings for Christmas, which gives me access to 97 percent of all televised Major League baseball games this year, give or take a few.

Readers here at the Nexus know my long-time love affair with the Cubs. Granted, based on how they’ve played for the past 20 years, it’s more of an abusive relationship, They lose and lose and then, just when you think you’ve had enough, they go and make the playoffs and make you think everything’s going to be alright, so you give them a second chance.

Given all the choices of games to watch, I’ve found myself paralyzed at the thought of trying to decide whom to watch when the Cubs aren’t on. I’ve tried flipping between several games that have an impact on the Fighting Squirrels, but that leads to chaos and threats from Yes Dear to beat me to death with the remote control.

So I decided I needed a second team to cheer for. Someone I could watch when the Cubs weren’t on that would get me emotionally involved in the game. After all, if you’re not emotionally or financially invested, what’s the point of watching. And since I can’t afford to gamble, I’m left with becoming emotional involved in the games.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking to leave the Cubs. Far from it. Instead, I’m looking for a “Friend with benefits” that I can have a good time with that won’t interfere with my Cubs’ commitment.

To do this, I had to lay out some ground rules to narrow my search.

First of all, my second team has to be an American League team. I don’t want a team that will face the Cubs on a regular basis. By picking an American League team, the most I’ll see them is six times every three years in Interleague play. I can deal with that.

Second, the team has to be likable. I’m not cheering for the Yankees (and if you cheer for the Yankees, please take a few minutes to evaluate your life and determine if it’s really worth living if you’re going to be a New York fan. Seriously. I’ll wait.). In the same vein, I’m not rooting for the Red Sox either. They’ve got some wonderful media coverage in the past few years that portrays them as the plucky underdog against the Yankees, but Boston’s payroll is the second-highest in baseball.

Based on those two criteria, I’ve managed to narrow my choices down to two teams: The Cleveland Indians and the Oakland A’s.

Cleveland:

Positives: I’ve got three of their guys on my various fantasy teams. They’re a young team with likable, exciting players. Their announcers are pretty good and while they’re biased towards Cleveland, they’re not so much so that it gets annoying to listen to.

Negatives: Aside from the political incorrectness of their mascot, one of the biggest things going against the Indians is they’re located in the Eastern Time Zone, meaning most of their games will be played at around the same time as the Cubs games. What’s the point of having a second team if you can’t watch them?

Oakland:

Positives: Like Cleveland, they’ve got a lot of good, young players. I like their General Manager, Billy Beane. (You know you really like a sport when you have favorite team executives.) I haven’t seen many of their games yet, so I don’t know about their announcers.

Negatives: I have a job that generally likes when I show up on time, so can I stay up to 1 p.m. on a regular basis to watch their games that start at 10 p.m. Eastern time. The answer to this question is that I could do it, but by Thursday, I’d be falling asleep at my desk with all my stories including the following: “At Thursday’s meeting the city counjkl;aslllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll”

(Quick aside: I couldn’t imagine living on the West Coast and not having late-night sports as an option. Games are over by 10 p.m. on the West Coast and then what? Do people out there have better sleep habits because they can watch all the games and still be in bed by 11 p.m.? What do you do when you can’t sleep? This fascinates me.)

So who am I going with? Well, objectively, I should probably take Oakland. I could watch them more often and could get into their games without having to flip to their games only during the commercials.

But my heart tells me to go with the Tribe. So when the Cubs aren’t on, go Indians.

Fantasy update: If Catherine Zeta-Jones is the patron saint of the Fantasy update, Jill Hennessy is the chief priestess. She still hasn’t taken a leave of absence from her show to come to Statesboro for my interview request. In other fantasy news, the Fighting Squirrels are off to a blistering start, winning one league 15-0 and the other 11-4-1. Both teams are in first place after two weeks, which means the only place to go from here is down.

Cubs Update: The Cubs are 7-4 right now and only one-half game out of first. Kerry Wood should be coming back in the next month, as should Mark Prior. If they continue to play as well as they have when Wood and Prior get back, the Cubs could be really good this year.

Weekend Update: Yes Dear and I took wallpaper down on Saturday. About two-thirds of the way though the process, I told Yes Dear we’d never have wallpaper in another home we own. She agreed..

House Update: We’re about six weeks from moving into our new house. The exterior is all done, including the driveway. Now all we need is stuff like carpet, plumbing, sinks, counters.

Thanks for reading. Now get back to work.