How sweet it is (to be loved by you)

Contrary to what you might think by the title, this post has nothing to do with Valentines Day, Yes Dear or anything you would normally associate with the song title.

Instead, I want to write today about the seven sweetest words in the English language that don't include "Catherine Zeta-Jones is at your door."

No, I'm referring to "Pitchers and catchers reported to Spring Training."

(But if you picked "The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has arrived," give yourselves partial credit.

Today, our long, national nightmare is over. Baseball is back, taking my attention away from Yes Dear, household responsibilities, work, health, friends, family and all the other things I pay attention to from November to mid-February.

Today, the Cubs aren't in last place. (Check back in three months for an update on this)

Today, my fantasy teams aren't devastated by injuries, age and poor general managing skills.

I'm looking forward to countless hours watching the Cubs blow eighth-inning leads, watching my fantasy players be suspended, one by one, for steroids and generally having my love for the game sucked away ounce by ounce during the summer.

So with the season but a few weeks away from beginning, I'd like to give a "Tip of the Hat" or "Wag of the Finger" (Stephen Colbert style) to some off season moves.

A Tip of the Hat to the Cubs for acquiring Juan Pierre, one of the game's top leadoff hitters. According to Chicago play-by-play announcer Len Kasper (who watched Pierre as the Marlins play-by-play guy), Pierre instantly makes the Cubs better. Kudos Cubs management.

A Wag of the Finger to the guy who abandoned his fantasy team last year and left me with a heaping pile of dog doo to choose from. You see, during the offseason, I agreed to join a keeper league fantasy group. For the uninitiated, a keeper league allows you to keep a certain number of players from your previous team from year to year. Tom Cruise gave more attention to the SI swimsuit issue than the previous owner gave to his fantasy team. (And yes, I joined the "I made a Tom Cruise gay joke" club with my previous sentence.)

A Tip of the Hat to my parents for getting me Extra Innings on my satellite package this season. I'll now have 97 percent of all baseball games available to watch all season long. I can only imagine this is how Jesus feels when he wants to watch a baseball game. (We all know the New York Yankees blackout their games in heaven, forcing God to attend the game if he wants to see A-Rod play.)

However, A severe Wag of the Finger to my parents for quadruple-handedly trying to sabotage my marriage to Yes Dear by getting me Extra Innings. You're never going to get that grandchild you want if you give me baseball games to watch from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. each night.

My final Tip of the Hat goes to Yes Dear, for agreeing to give me a sports room in our new house. I get to decorate it with posters and jerseys and bobble heads.

And the final Wag of my Finger goes to the Major League Baseball schedule maker for having the Cubs only trip to Atlanta be in September, when we all know the Cubs will be out of playoff contention. For shame on that guy.

Unrelated Wag of my Finger goes to the Statesboro Convention and Visitor's Bureau for not having a banner on their webpage proclaiming "Statesboro: Hostage Free since January 17." (And yes, I stole this idea from Official Brother.)

Thanks for reading. With millions of choices out there, we know you could have wasted those last five minutes elsewhere, but you picked here.