The next five minutes
Growing up in a house with two brothers, there were certain things that took on added importance that families with one or two children may not think about. There was always trying to get the biggest piece of chicken (this especially became important when we all started playing sports and our already rapid metabolism shifted into a gear I'll never see again without the help of crack cocaine) or getting to the breakfast table first so you could get the section of the paper you wanted. (I always wanted the sports while DC Brother preferred the comics. Unfortunately, there were times when the sports were on the back of the comics and thus, bickering ensued. The Parental Units did not like those mornings.)
Those things paled in comparison to the mother of all important things as a child . .
. retaining your seat when you got up to go to the kitchen or bathroom.
As you can imagine in a middle class family of five, seating was at a premium when it came to watching television. There were a couple of really comfortable seats, a few adequate seats, and then seats you took because there was nothing left. In fact, when Christmas rolled around, there were only four seats so we could make room for the Chirstmas Tree.
(That, in a nutshell, is how Official Brother came to be known as "Floor Boy" during Christmas. He was in charge of passing out presents on Christmas morning, which at eight or nine is the coolest thing in the world. When he had to do it this past Christmas at 21, not so cool anymore.)
So whenever one of us would leave the comfortable seats, another of us would inevitably move in to take the better seat. Everyone would move up one slot and the person who had to visit the little boy's room would end up out of luck.
It was a fine system and everyone understood the consequences of going to get a drink during the commercial of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
But over time, my parents decided this wasn't a fair system afterall. I think it was when they got fed up with losing their seat to answer the phone or somethng like that. The instituted a rule that has continued on to this day and I, in fact, almost expect it when I'm a guest at someone else's home.
The decided that once you established your seat and then got up, you had five minutes in which you could come back and reclaim your chair. If you need to go to the bathroom and get a drink, it was no longer a problem. You didn't have to lose your seat just because you answered the phone only to have it be a wrong number.
Over
time, a series of subsections were added to the so-called "Five Minute Rule." You could gain an additional five minutes by simply parking your rump in the chair for a second. Should a dispute arise, an impartial observer (namely, someone not involved in the dispute) would determine if five miuntes had actually passed. There was also no minimum time needed to sit in the seat to invoke the "Five Minute Rule." You could finish dinner, make a break for the living room before starting the dishes and lay claim to your seat. Then, within the next five minutes, simply take a break from cleaning up, go renew your five minutes, and then resume cleaning up, thus ensuring you had a good seat after dinner.
In the begininng, you had to invoke the Five Minute Rule when you got up, signaling to everyone your intention to return in five minutes. If you got up and didn't say "five minute rule" as you got up, you lost your rights to the chair.
As you can imagine, this led to disagreements as to if they actually said it, especially if you weren't in the room at the time, so over time it became implied. If you left and came back within five minutes and someone was in your seat, all you had to do was invoke the rule and they were obligated to give you your seat back.
It also introduced speed showering into our household. Though done more as a matter to see if it could be done rather than an actual desire to retain the rights to the seat. (For the record, it can be done, but it's not something you want to do if you want to ensure you're actually clean.)
So now, when I go visit friends, I always have to remember that they're most likely not as odd as we are and they'll actually let you keep your seat when you go get a coke.
Feel free to take the rule and apply it to your household if you need to. You can even pass the idea off as your own if you want to. Think of it as my little way of trying to spread peace throughout the world.
And because I've been gone for a while, here are several updates to make up for my absence:
Christmas update: Christmas was busy as we left on Dec. 23 to visit the Official Inlaws of
the Nexus of the Universe outside of Charleston, South Carolina. We got there around 8:45 p.m. after a three hour trip and then proceeded, at the request of Yes Dear, to tour Christmas lights (apparently one of her favorite things to do around Christmas.) We then went to bed and celebrated "Christmas" on the 24th. I got a shirt (which I'm actually wearing today, not that you can see me), some pants and a Cubs' pullover that's really nice. Among the gifts Yes Dear recieved was a Kitchenaid Mixer (apparently it's a good mixer. I think Rachel Ray uses it on her show.)
We left that afternoon to make it home in time for our church's Christmas Eve service and then to my parents for the annual viewing of "A Muppet Christmas Carol." Following that, we brought the presents out and put them under the tree. Yes Dear and I then went home, only to wake up at 7 a.m. to go back to my parents for Christmas morning. Among the gifts we got were an iPod (for her) and a subscription to MLB Extra Innings (for me, though Yes Dear is excited about it as well.) I also got a book from DC Brother (which I finished already, no small feat for me since I'm not exactly a "reader.)
New Year's Update: The day after Christmas, Yes Dear and I got an invitation to a New Year's Eve party two hours away. Usually we wouldn't travel that far, but the party was with friends from college we hadn't seen in almost two years, so we went. It also gave us a chance to see the homes of those friends (since we're home shopping at this point.) It was good to see old friends and we all had a good time. Hopefully we won't go two years without seeing them again, especially if they only live two hours away.
Yes Dear School Update: I think I mentioned that Yes Dear was going to have to take one credit hour this semester (which started today) because she and her advisor were unaware they changed the date to clear for graduation. Fortunately, the person who she appealed this decision to happens to be the mother of one of my good friends from high school. Yes Dear got a call today to say she didn't have to take the class (which would have been over $500 since they still have her as an out-of-state student, despite living in Ga. for the past seven years.) To make things even better, her graduation date will still be listed as May, which means she won't start paying back her student loans until October.
DC Brother Update: At the behest of DC Brother, I'm mentioning his non-girlfiend. He's not excactly dating this person, but he's also not exactly not dating this person, I think. Or there's a chance they could be the DC snipers from a few years ago. I'm not exactly sure what their deal is. Anyway, for a more in depth look at the Non-Girlfriend, read this by Official Brother.
Jury Duty Update: I was only in peril of being selected in one jury, and even in that case, I was the last guy on the panel, so each lawyer would have had to use all his strikes (basically eliminating a juror from serving) on both the regular jury and the alternates for me to be selected. As an added bonus, I got to read a good portion of Three Nights in August (a must read for someone who wants to get inside the mind of a baseball manager.)
I hope to update again by Friday. Take care everyone.
Those things paled in comparison to the mother of all important things as a child . .
. retaining your seat when you got up to go to the kitchen or bathroom.As you can imagine in a middle class family of five, seating was at a premium when it came to watching television. There were a couple of really comfortable seats, a few adequate seats, and then seats you took because there was nothing left. In fact, when Christmas rolled around, there were only four seats so we could make room for the Chirstmas Tree.
(That, in a nutshell, is how Official Brother came to be known as "Floor Boy" during Christmas. He was in charge of passing out presents on Christmas morning, which at eight or nine is the coolest thing in the world. When he had to do it this past Christmas at 21, not so cool anymore.)
So whenever one of us would leave the comfortable seats, another of us would inevitably move in to take the better seat. Everyone would move up one slot and the person who had to visit the little boy's room would end up out of luck.
It was a fine system and everyone understood the consequences of going to get a drink during the commercial of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
But over time, my parents decided this wasn't a fair system afterall. I think it was when they got fed up with losing their seat to answer the phone or somethng like that. The instituted a rule that has continued on to this day and I, in fact, almost expect it when I'm a guest at someone else's home.
The decided that once you established your seat and then got up, you had five minutes in which you could come back and reclaim your chair. If you need to go to the bathroom and get a drink, it was no longer a problem. You didn't have to lose your seat just because you answered the phone only to have it be a wrong number.
Over
time, a series of subsections were added to the so-called "Five Minute Rule." You could gain an additional five minutes by simply parking your rump in the chair for a second. Should a dispute arise, an impartial observer (namely, someone not involved in the dispute) would determine if five miuntes had actually passed. There was also no minimum time needed to sit in the seat to invoke the "Five Minute Rule." You could finish dinner, make a break for the living room before starting the dishes and lay claim to your seat. Then, within the next five minutes, simply take a break from cleaning up, go renew your five minutes, and then resume cleaning up, thus ensuring you had a good seat after dinner.In the begininng, you had to invoke the Five Minute Rule when you got up, signaling to everyone your intention to return in five minutes. If you got up and didn't say "five minute rule" as you got up, you lost your rights to the chair.
As you can imagine, this led to disagreements as to if they actually said it, especially if you weren't in the room at the time, so over time it became implied. If you left and came back within five minutes and someone was in your seat, all you had to do was invoke the rule and they were obligated to give you your seat back.
It also introduced speed showering into our household. Though done more as a matter to see if it could be done rather than an actual desire to retain the rights to the seat. (For the record, it can be done, but it's not something you want to do if you want to ensure you're actually clean.)
So now, when I go visit friends, I always have to remember that they're most likely not as odd as we are and they'll actually let you keep your seat when you go get a coke.
Feel free to take the rule and apply it to your household if you need to. You can even pass the idea off as your own if you want to. Think of it as my little way of trying to spread peace throughout the world.
And because I've been gone for a while, here are several updates to make up for my absence:
Christmas update: Christmas was busy as we left on Dec. 23 to visit the Official Inlaws of
the Nexus of the Universe outside of Charleston, South Carolina. We got there around 8:45 p.m. after a three hour trip and then proceeded, at the request of Yes Dear, to tour Christmas lights (apparently one of her favorite things to do around Christmas.) We then went to bed and celebrated "Christmas" on the 24th. I got a shirt (which I'm actually wearing today, not that you can see me), some pants and a Cubs' pullover that's really nice. Among the gifts Yes Dear recieved was a Kitchenaid Mixer (apparently it's a good mixer. I think Rachel Ray uses it on her show.)We left that afternoon to make it home in time for our church's Christmas Eve service and then to my parents for the annual viewing of "A Muppet Christmas Carol." Following that, we brought the presents out and put them under the tree. Yes Dear and I then went home, only to wake up at 7 a.m. to go back to my parents for Christmas morning. Among the gifts we got were an iPod (for her) and a subscription to MLB Extra Innings (for me, though Yes Dear is excited about it as well.) I also got a book from DC Brother (which I finished already, no small feat for me since I'm not exactly a "reader.)
New Year's Update: The day after Christmas, Yes Dear and I got an invitation to a New Year's Eve party two hours away. Usually we wouldn't travel that far, but the party was with friends from college we hadn't seen in almost two years, so we went. It also gave us a chance to see the homes of those friends (since we're home shopping at this point.) It was good to see old friends and we all had a good time. Hopefully we won't go two years without seeing them again, especially if they only live two hours away.
Yes Dear School Update: I think I mentioned that Yes Dear was going to have to take one credit hour this semester (which started today) because she and her advisor were unaware they changed the date to clear for graduation. Fortunately, the person who she appealed this decision to happens to be the mother of one of my good friends from high school. Yes Dear got a call today to say she didn't have to take the class (which would have been over $500 since they still have her as an out-of-state student, despite living in Ga. for the past seven years.) To make things even better, her graduation date will still be listed as May, which means she won't start paying back her student loans until October.
DC Brother Update: At the behest of DC Brother, I'm mentioning his non-girlfiend. He's not excactly dating this person, but he's also not exactly not dating this person, I think. Or there's a chance they could be the DC snipers from a few years ago. I'm not exactly sure what their deal is. Anyway, for a more in depth look at the Non-Girlfriend, read this by Official Brother.
Jury Duty Update: I was only in peril of being selected in one jury, and even in that case, I was the last guy on the panel, so each lawyer would have had to use all his strikes (basically eliminating a juror from serving) on both the regular jury and the alternates for me to be selected. As an added bonus, I got to read a good portion of Three Nights in August (a must read for someone who wants to get inside the mind of a baseball manager.)
I hope to update again by Friday. Take care everyone.
posted by Luke at 3:56 PM
<< Home