I fought the law (and the law won)
On Monday, I addressed the first half of the most pressing question facing residents of the planet Earth: If you were murdered in New York City, which Law & Order detectives would you want handling your case?
Now that the perpetrator has been apprehended, we need to name the second, yet equally important group, representing the people, the District Attorney's office, who prosecutes the offenders.
As with the first half of the question, all the attorneys who have worked in the DA's office are available to choose from. And like Monday's discussion of the detectives, I'll start out saying who I don't want handling my case before revealing who is sending my killer to Attica (or Rikers, either way I'll be dead so it won't matter much to me.)
Let's start by picking the second chair, who basically serves as an additional investigator for the DA's office and serves as someone for the first chair to bounce ideas off of. Let's start right out be eliminating Paul Robinette from the running. He was a decent second chair to Ben Stone in the show's first three years, but he didn't seem to have the passion needed to attack the case. (He did manage to find that passion later when he came back as a defense attorney in a racially motivated case. However, being that I'm white and Robinette is black, I don't think I'd fit into his normal clientele.) While we're at it, we're cutting Serena Sutherland from the list for the same reason. (But it does provide an early photo opportunity, but this time, I'm actually going to refrain from posting it, sorry guys, but you'll thank me later.)
Also, as much as it pains me, we're going to eliminate Claire Kincade
from the running. (Again, for the sake of the argument, let's pretend she didn't die in a car crash on the show.) She always deferred to Stone and Jack McCoy on every decision. And while she was an able investigator, she never struck me as spectacular in the second chair. Plus, the hidden inuendo on the show was she and McCoy were having an affiar. I don't want my attorney distracted by thoughts of what she wants to do to her coworker while she's preparing to put my murderer behind bars for 25 to life. Maybe it's a little selfish of me, but I want the attorney's to focus on me and not each other. (Here is where we'll add a photo to this otherwise mundane post so far . . . you're welcome guys.)
I was tempted to make ADA Ron Carver from L&O:CI and make him second chair, especially based on his prosecution in one of last night's reruns. However,I thought the deomotion from lead attorney to second chair might cause some friction. And again, I can't feel good about taking any of the lawyers from SVU because, well, they deal with sex crimes and I'm not going out like that.
No,
I want Abby Carmichael on the prosecution team. She's fiesty, agressive and has a take-no-prisoners attitude. (Except that, in this case, I want her to take prisoners, specifically one prisoner that killed me.) Not to mention she's a former Baywatch Night's star who gives Jill Hennessy a run for her money for the title "hottest ADA in New York."
(Seriously, isn't it time for that contest to be held somewhere? Let's organize this. Who would be against such a thing? NBC is in the toilet when it comes to ratings with L&O being it's only reliable draw, so why not combine beauty pagaent with L&O. I tell you, when I become the head of a television studio, these are the types of programs you'll have the opportunity to watch. Don't let me down.)
Fortunately for the length of this post, there aren't a lot of choices to be the lead attorney. Again, the SVU lawyers are out of the running to head up the prosecution, leaving only three real choices, Ron Carver, Ben Stone or Jack McCoy.
Carver's role on L&O:CI is mostly advisory in the investigation process, so there aren't a lot of chances to see him in action in the courtroom. However, from the few times I've seen him try a case, he's very good. He must be, after all, since he's working with the detectives from the Major Case Squad.
Ben Stone was also very good. Granted, he only stayed for four years, but he still managed to have one of the most enduring lines in L&O history when he put a 10 second time limit on a plea bargain offer. When the defendant's balked at the proposed offer, Stone looked back at them and said "tick tock gentleman." Every time my family is waiting on someone to get ready to go, we'll say "tick tock gentleman." Good times. He also answered, when asked what he wanted in life, was peace on earth, the Mets in the series and your client behind bars. That's a man with goals.
But neither
Stone nor Carver hold a candle to Jack McCoy. The passion, energy and willingness to push the boundries will all be important when some defense attorney tries some creative defense as to why he had to kill me.
(Seriously though, why would anyone need to kill me? My goal in life is to not bother people, which conflicts with my profession in life of bothering people for answers. Let's just agree my paper sent me to New York to uncover some deep corruption in the City Council that stretches all the way to the mayor's office in New York City. Sure, it'll never happen, but if I'm going to start with the presumption that I'm killed in New York, I think I can add the reason for my death. Plus, it'll give the police a chance to visit my little town here.)
McCoy is also a better courtroom litigator than either of the other two options to prosecute. He thinks well on his feet and knows how to push the buttons of those on the stand to implicate them in the murder. Sometimes he may go to far, but I'd rather he do that than not go far enough.
And finally, the all important District Attorney. I realize the voters of New York County have the decision as to who they elect, but this is my murder mystery, so I'm changing the rules.
I think most people would expect me to pick Adam Schiff to be the DA overseeing my case, but I'm going against that. Schiff was always anxious to make a deal and clear the case, but I want whoever kills me to get the max.
So with that in mind, I'll take the only other viable alternative, Arthur Branch, but default. He's not bad, but he's not the same, character-wise, as Schiff was. I miss him on the show.
There you have it. The complete Law & Order team I want to investigate and prosocute my killer(s). If I'm ever in New York, I'll let you know and if I die, would someone please contact someone in the New York City Police Department and point them to my request. I'd appreciate it.
Weekend Plans: As mentioned Monday, Yes Dear and I are embarking on our whirlwind Christmas weekend on Friday, leaving right after work for her parents house where we'll celebrate Christmas Eve like it's Christmas. Then, around 2:30ish on Saturday, we'll head back home to make in in time for our Church's Christmas Eve service and then to my parents for our traditional viewing of The Muppet Christmas Carol. ("Light the lamp, not the rat! Light the lamp, not the rat!!") Christmas morning, we'll get up and drive back to my parents' home to open presents and that night will conclude with our annual game of Trival Pursuit. (For more information about our family's holiday tradition, check out Official Brother's blog.
War on Christmas Update: The United States Secretary of Transportation has given Santa Claus clearance to enter U. S. airspace, land on people's homes and leave unchecked packages underneath their holiday tree. I ask you, how can we wage a successful war on Christmas if we're going to bend the rules for this career criminal. (Yeah, that's right, I called Santa a career criminal. He's gotten away with more breaking and entering jobs than anyone in the history of the world. Well, not this year. If there are presents at my house Christmas morning, I'm calling the police.)
Holiday Reminder: While you're preparing for Christmas of Haunakkah, don't forget that the Seinfeld holiday of Festivus (you know, "Festivus for the rest of us") is Friday. Be sure to set up your Festivus Pole.
Have a great Christmas and/or Haunakkah and/or Festivus. See you Tuesday (hopefully) for the next post.
Now that the perpetrator has been apprehended, we need to name the second, yet equally important group, representing the people, the District Attorney's office, who prosecutes the offenders.
As with the first half of the question, all the attorneys who have worked in the DA's office are available to choose from. And like Monday's discussion of the detectives, I'll start out saying who I don't want handling my case before revealing who is sending my killer to Attica (or Rikers, either way I'll be dead so it won't matter much to me.)
Let's start by picking the second chair, who basically serves as an additional investigator for the DA's office and serves as someone for the first chair to bounce ideas off of. Let's start right out be eliminating Paul Robinette from the running. He was a decent second chair to Ben Stone in the show's first three years, but he didn't seem to have the passion needed to attack the case. (He did manage to find that passion later when he came back as a defense attorney in a racially motivated case. However, being that I'm white and Robinette is black, I don't think I'd fit into his normal clientele.) While we're at it, we're cutting Serena Sutherland from the list for the same reason. (But it does provide an early photo opportunity, but this time, I'm actually going to refrain from posting it, sorry guys, but you'll thank me later.)
Also, as much as it pains me, we're going to eliminate Claire Kincade
from the running. (Again, for the sake of the argument, let's pretend she didn't die in a car crash on the show.) She always deferred to Stone and Jack McCoy on every decision. And while she was an able investigator, she never struck me as spectacular in the second chair. Plus, the hidden inuendo on the show was she and McCoy were having an affiar. I don't want my attorney distracted by thoughts of what she wants to do to her coworker while she's preparing to put my murderer behind bars for 25 to life. Maybe it's a little selfish of me, but I want the attorney's to focus on me and not each other. (Here is where we'll add a photo to this otherwise mundane post so far . . . you're welcome guys.)I was tempted to make ADA Ron Carver from L&O:CI and make him second chair, especially based on his prosecution in one of last night's reruns. However,I thought the deomotion from lead attorney to second chair might cause some friction. And again, I can't feel good about taking any of the lawyers from SVU because, well, they deal with sex crimes and I'm not going out like that.
No,
I want Abby Carmichael on the prosecution team. She's fiesty, agressive and has a take-no-prisoners attitude. (Except that, in this case, I want her to take prisoners, specifically one prisoner that killed me.) Not to mention she's a former Baywatch Night's star who gives Jill Hennessy a run for her money for the title "hottest ADA in New York." (Seriously, isn't it time for that contest to be held somewhere? Let's organize this. Who would be against such a thing? NBC is in the toilet when it comes to ratings with L&O being it's only reliable draw, so why not combine beauty pagaent with L&O. I tell you, when I become the head of a television studio, these are the types of programs you'll have the opportunity to watch. Don't let me down.)
Fortunately for the length of this post, there aren't a lot of choices to be the lead attorney. Again, the SVU lawyers are out of the running to head up the prosecution, leaving only three real choices, Ron Carver, Ben Stone or Jack McCoy.
Carver's role on L&O:CI is mostly advisory in the investigation process, so there aren't a lot of chances to see him in action in the courtroom. However, from the few times I've seen him try a case, he's very good. He must be, after all, since he's working with the detectives from the Major Case Squad.
Ben Stone was also very good. Granted, he only stayed for four years, but he still managed to have one of the most enduring lines in L&O history when he put a 10 second time limit on a plea bargain offer. When the defendant's balked at the proposed offer, Stone looked back at them and said "tick tock gentleman." Every time my family is waiting on someone to get ready to go, we'll say "tick tock gentleman." Good times. He also answered, when asked what he wanted in life, was peace on earth, the Mets in the series and your client behind bars. That's a man with goals.
But neither
Stone nor Carver hold a candle to Jack McCoy. The passion, energy and willingness to push the boundries will all be important when some defense attorney tries some creative defense as to why he had to kill me.(Seriously though, why would anyone need to kill me? My goal in life is to not bother people, which conflicts with my profession in life of bothering people for answers. Let's just agree my paper sent me to New York to uncover some deep corruption in the City Council that stretches all the way to the mayor's office in New York City. Sure, it'll never happen, but if I'm going to start with the presumption that I'm killed in New York, I think I can add the reason for my death. Plus, it'll give the police a chance to visit my little town here.)
McCoy is also a better courtroom litigator than either of the other two options to prosecute. He thinks well on his feet and knows how to push the buttons of those on the stand to implicate them in the murder. Sometimes he may go to far, but I'd rather he do that than not go far enough.
And finally, the all important District Attorney. I realize the voters of New York County have the decision as to who they elect, but this is my murder mystery, so I'm changing the rules.
I think most people would expect me to pick Adam Schiff to be the DA overseeing my case, but I'm going against that. Schiff was always anxious to make a deal and clear the case, but I want whoever kills me to get the max.
So with that in mind, I'll take the only other viable alternative, Arthur Branch, but default. He's not bad, but he's not the same, character-wise, as Schiff was. I miss him on the show.
There you have it. The complete Law & Order team I want to investigate and prosocute my killer(s). If I'm ever in New York, I'll let you know and if I die, would someone please contact someone in the New York City Police Department and point them to my request. I'd appreciate it.
Weekend Plans: As mentioned Monday, Yes Dear and I are embarking on our whirlwind Christmas weekend on Friday, leaving right after work for her parents house where we'll celebrate Christmas Eve like it's Christmas. Then, around 2:30ish on Saturday, we'll head back home to make in in time for our Church's Christmas Eve service and then to my parents for our traditional viewing of The Muppet Christmas Carol. ("Light the lamp, not the rat! Light the lamp, not the rat!!") Christmas morning, we'll get up and drive back to my parents' home to open presents and that night will conclude with our annual game of Trival Pursuit. (For more information about our family's holiday tradition, check out Official Brother's blog.
War on Christmas Update: The United States Secretary of Transportation has given Santa Claus clearance to enter U. S. airspace, land on people's homes and leave unchecked packages underneath their holiday tree. I ask you, how can we wage a successful war on Christmas if we're going to bend the rules for this career criminal. (Yeah, that's right, I called Santa a career criminal. He's gotten away with more breaking and entering jobs than anyone in the history of the world. Well, not this year. If there are presents at my house Christmas morning, I'm calling the police.)
Holiday Reminder: While you're preparing for Christmas of Haunakkah, don't forget that the Seinfeld holiday of Festivus (you know, "Festivus for the rest of us") is Friday. Be sure to set up your Festivus Pole.
Have a great Christmas and/or Haunakkah and/or Festivus. See you Tuesday (hopefully) for the next post.
posted by Luke at 1:00 PM
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