All I want for Christmas is you
Dear Mr. Claus,
Another year has gone by and yet again, this is the only letter I've sent you. I can't believe our friendship has been able to survive lo these many years when the only contact we have is one letter in November or early December and your surprise visit when I'm sleeping on Christmas Eve.
(You're probably wondering why I used a Mariah Carey song as the title of my letter. Well, since January I've been one of those "bloggers" that you've probably read about in the news. Part of my blog is that I title every entry with a song title. Also, it provides an opportunity to post a picture of Ms. Carey on here. As any good newspaper designer knows (speaking of that, how is the North Pole Gazette going?), you need to have pictures to break up the text.)
Like the past 25 years, I'd like to again appologize for not keeping in touch like I said I would. I know I promised to write you letters every other month letting you know how I was doing and how things were with myself and Yes Dear, and sadly, I got so busy during the year that I never got around to it.
In fairness to me, however, you really need to look into a new marketing coordinator. The only time people hear of you is during November and December. That said, I may have seen a few of your latest commercials in October, so maybe that marketing blitz I mentioned last year is beginning to show dividends. I'll write to you again in February to discuss that more. (Also, if you need a new marketing director, I think Yes Dear would be willing to relocate to the North Pole if the price is right.)
There's been something I've been meaning to ask you and it always slips my mind, but today,
fortunately, I remembered. I know you have elves (is that still the PC term) make all the gifts you bring to the good little boys and girls, but I have to ask you about one major thing. How do you get around the copyright infringement laws? I know the past few years I've wanted DVDs or books and I can't imagine the companies being ok with your workforce manufacturing the exact same thing the companies are trying to sell. Do you have some kind of an agreement with them? I know you have a tight budget that you have to stay on, so there's no way you could afford to actually buy everything you distribute.
Also, do you ever feel wrong for deceiving so many children by hiring look-alikes to sit in shopping malls pretending to be you? When I found out they were only helpers and not really you, it was almost enough to make me believe you weren't real. Then my mother reminded me that if I didn't believe you were real, I wouldn't get any presents. But I wonder how you can expect children to be nice and not naughty when you, yourself, are perpetuating a lie on these innocent, naive children. Just something to think about. Perhaps you may want to put a disclaimer somewhere around your helpers to let them know they're not dealing with the real thing.
Anyway, I'm sure I've taken up more than enough of your time. You've got millions of letters to read and your midget workforce doesn't have a lot of time to process the requests and get everything ready.
With that said, here's my list of things I'd like this year (providing you've got that copyright and licensing thing all worked out.) In no particular order:
Television Stuff:
1. Law & Order DVDs (while I'd like the original, the SVU and Criminal Intent ones would also be nice. Be sure to coordinate with Yes Dear, the parental units and the parental in-laws with this.)
2. Seinfeld DVDs (you'll recall I've got season 1-2, so the newest one's would be what I'd like)
Sports Clothing:
3. A new Cubs and Georgia Southern hat.
4. Cubs windbreaker
5. Aramis Rameriz jersey (preferably the alternate blue jersey)
Video Games (I hope I never reach the day when I'm too old to ask for video games)
6. Madden 2006 (I know, I should have this by now, but I don't, so can you hook me up?)
7. NCAA football 2006 (Again, I know I should have this.)
Books:
8. Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty By Buster Olney
9. Moneyball By Michael Lewis
10. Three nights in August By Buzz Bissinger
Dreaming Big:
11. 42 inch high-definition television
That, actually, is pretty much what I'd like. Sure, I know there's the clothes and shoes and other typical stuff I get each year (and I do appreciate it), but of the things I want, that pretty much covers it.
Thanks again for your time, Mr. Claus.
Another year has gone by and yet again, this is the only letter I've sent you. I can't believe our friendship has been able to survive lo these many years when the only contact we have is one letter in November or early December and your surprise visit when I'm sleeping on Christmas Eve.
(You're probably wondering why I used a Mariah Carey song as the title of my letter. Well, since January I've been one of those "bloggers" that you've probably read about in the news. Part of my blog is that I title every entry with a song title. Also, it provides an opportunity to post a picture of Ms. Carey on here. As any good newspaper designer knows (speaking of that, how is the North Pole Gazette going?), you need to have pictures to break up the text.) Like the past 25 years, I'd like to again appologize for not keeping in touch like I said I would. I know I promised to write you letters every other month letting you know how I was doing and how things were with myself and Yes Dear, and sadly, I got so busy during the year that I never got around to it.
In fairness to me, however, you really need to look into a new marketing coordinator. The only time people hear of you is during November and December. That said, I may have seen a few of your latest commercials in October, so maybe that marketing blitz I mentioned last year is beginning to show dividends. I'll write to you again in February to discuss that more. (Also, if you need a new marketing director, I think Yes Dear would be willing to relocate to the North Pole if the price is right.)
There's been something I've been meaning to ask you and it always slips my mind, but today,
fortunately, I remembered. I know you have elves (is that still the PC term) make all the gifts you bring to the good little boys and girls, but I have to ask you about one major thing. How do you get around the copyright infringement laws? I know the past few years I've wanted DVDs or books and I can't imagine the companies being ok with your workforce manufacturing the exact same thing the companies are trying to sell. Do you have some kind of an agreement with them? I know you have a tight budget that you have to stay on, so there's no way you could afford to actually buy everything you distribute.Also, do you ever feel wrong for deceiving so many children by hiring look-alikes to sit in shopping malls pretending to be you? When I found out they were only helpers and not really you, it was almost enough to make me believe you weren't real. Then my mother reminded me that if I didn't believe you were real, I wouldn't get any presents. But I wonder how you can expect children to be nice and not naughty when you, yourself, are perpetuating a lie on these innocent, naive children. Just something to think about. Perhaps you may want to put a disclaimer somewhere around your helpers to let them know they're not dealing with the real thing.
Anyway, I'm sure I've taken up more than enough of your time. You've got millions of letters to read and your midget workforce doesn't have a lot of time to process the requests and get everything ready.
With that said, here's my list of things I'd like this year (providing you've got that copyright and licensing thing all worked out.) In no particular order:
Television Stuff:
1. Law & Order DVDs (while I'd like the original, the SVU and Criminal Intent ones would also be nice. Be sure to coordinate with Yes Dear, the parental units and the parental in-laws with this.)
2. Seinfeld DVDs (you'll recall I've got season 1-2, so the newest one's would be what I'd like)
Sports Clothing:
3. A new Cubs and Georgia Southern hat.
4. Cubs windbreaker
5. Aramis Rameriz jersey (preferably the alternate blue jersey)
Video Games (I hope I never reach the day when I'm too old to ask for video games)
6. Madden 2006 (I know, I should have this by now, but I don't, so can you hook me up?)
7. NCAA football 2006 (Again, I know I should have this.)
Books:
8. Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty By Buster Olney9. Moneyball By Michael Lewis
10. Three nights in August By Buzz Bissinger
Dreaming Big:
11. 42 inch high-definition television
That, actually, is pretty much what I'd like. Sure, I know there's the clothes and shoes and other typical stuff I get each year (and I do appreciate it), but of the things I want, that pretty much covers it.
Thanks again for your time, Mr. Claus.
posted by Luke at 11:03 AM
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