Who are you

Hey guys and gals, remember me?

I'm the guy who used to post regularly on his blog but then abandoned it for several weeks and now expects to have people reading it again.

I'd like to give you a valid reason as to why my blog has been neglected lo these many days, so I'll give you one: I was busy finding a cure for male pattern baldness.

Unfortunately, that's not actually true, but it would have been valid. The truth is I got lazy and spent my time reading other people's blogs and other stuff on the interweb. (They've even got entire sites on this here internet devoted entirely to sports. I wish someone had alerted me to that earlier in life.)

You might think that with so many days between postings I might actually have something to write about that would be worth your time, but the fact is I don't. You see, after I finished reading "Three Nights in August," I started reading "Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty" and now that I've finished that, I've moved on to "Moneyball." And because I realize that most of you A.) aren't huge baseball fans and B.) don't want to read some two-bit hack's review of baseball books, I'll spare you a lengthy review.

So what am I going to write about in my less-than-triumphant return to the blogsphere? I'm going to answer two questions posed by fellow bloggers on their sites recently.

1. If you had to put five songs on an iPod to send to aliens in another galaxy, what would they be?

Alright, that's the short version of the question, but since Scott put so much thought into setting up his hypothetical interlude, I figure I should send you his way to get the full question.

Before I answer, I think it's ludicrous to assume that sending five songs on an iPod to aliens in another galaxy would allow them to learn anything about life here on Earth? First of all, while music is able to convey emotion better, books would be the way to go if we wanted our new iPod-loving overlords to understand our little planet. (And for the record, I, for one, welcome our new, iPod-loving overlords and look forward to their musical reign.)

Secondly, the idea that the aliens would be able to glean any information from songs in English is absurd. Sure, they may be able to pick up a rhythm and even perhaps replicate the sounds, but it would be meaningless to them. It would be the equivalent of having never heard Chinese and then getting five random songs from China with no way to interpret them. I wouldn't know anything more about the Chinese culture after listening to the songs than I did before.

Despite all that, I'll go along with the game and give you my list:

1. "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel. What better way to give our alien overlords a glimpse into what they're taking over than to send them a brief history of the world. Sure, they may not understand it, but at least they could land and start screaming "I can't take it anymore!"

2. "American Pie" - Don McLean. Since we covered the history of the world (Part I) in song number one, why not give a quick lesson in the musical history since rock and roll began. The rampant symbolism may get in the way of their true understanding.

3. "Imagine" - John Lennon. No musical gift to our new alien friends would be complete without something from a former Beatle.

4. "Pride (In the Name of Love)" - U2. Probably the most powerful U2 song (though I could be persuaded by "Sunday Bloody Sunday") and another way to offer a glimpse into what the aliens are coming to take over.

5. "I'm too Sexy" - Right Said Fred - Could there be anything funnier than our new alien rulers walking around saying "I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk, yeah. I shake my little tush on the catwalk."

Question 2: If I were forced to pick one network (of ABC, CBS, Fox and NBC) to watch and forgo all the others, which would it be?

At first glance, many of you are going to assume I'm taking NBC simply because they show "Law & Order." I'm tempted to do that. And because I haven't actually made up my mind yet, let's walk though the choices.

ABC: Plus side: Desperate Housewives, College Football (though the BCS Games are on Fox now) and not much else. I didn't realize how little I watch that channel.
Negative side: Freddie, Dancing with the Stars.
There's a better chance of Teri Hatcher calling me for a date than there is of me picking ABC in this contest.

CBS: Plus side: How I Met Your Mother, Big Brother (Yeah, I said it), Survivor, March Madness, NFL games, Criminal Minds.
Negatives: Only SEC football, I can't get into CSI.

FOX: Plus side: American Idol, MLB games, NFL games, BCS Football games, Simpsons, Family Guy
Negatives: Only two hours of prime time broadcasting, it's the same network that aired "Who wants to marry a multimillionaire?"

NBC: Plus side: the Law & Order franchise, My Name is Earl
Negatives: Everything else (Seriously, have you seen their shows? I think Family Guy said it best when they were showing an NBC sign that read "We used to have Seinfeld, remember?"

So of that motley crew, who do I take? Well, I think I'm going to have to go with CBS.

See you again soon and, as always, thanks for reading.