Close encounters with the Easter Bunny

Note: This column orgionally appeared in the Statesboro Herald on March 24:

When I was growing up, a few of my friends were afraid of clowns. I never understood this phobia. Clowns were always happy, as though they'd had a smile painted on their face. They made balloon animals shaped like giraffes and dogs. Heck, the really bad clowns would even make a snake.
How could anyone not like clowns?
But as it turns out, for some reason grown men and women with way to much makeup and a penchant for crazy clothes, funny hats and flowers that squirt water are a frightening thing to some people.
Until this past weekend, I didn't understand this irrational fear. However, on a trip to Warner Robins to visit some friends, I stopped by a local grocery store to pick up some things for that evenings dinner.
After collecting the necessary items, I proceeded to the checkout counter when I saw it.
"It," in this case, was a six-foot tall Easter Bunny walking around the store and taking pictures with various members of the store's staff.
I turned to my friend to make sure I was in some sort of Ny-Quil induced hallucination. If I was, so was he as we both saw the giant rabbit.
The rational part of my brain told me that it was just a guy dressed up in a costume as some sort of really bad promotion.
Unfortunately, that part of my mind was overpowered by the part of my brain that said I should run to the nearest law enforcement officer to inform him of the strange man dressed up like an Easter Bunny roving the streets of Warner Robins.
We were able to leave without coming face to face with the giant bunny, but I can't help wondering what kind person would want to dress up like an animal and walk around promoting whatever it is they are supposed to support.
At one time, I know a local buffet-style restaurant had someone dress up as a cow and walk around outside the restaurant to raise awareness that steak was now on the menu.
I never could grasp the concept of having a cow promoting the steak on the menu.
Unless it was one of those self-hating cows, why wouldn't it mention the pasta or the chicken or something else? It makes no sense, and yet, week after week, I would see a person in a cow costume carrying a sign about what a great deal the steak was.
Now I realize we all don't have a choice in the jobs we'll take at any given time, but how low do you have to be to apply to be the person wearing the costume outside your business.
Surely you have skills in some area that would contribute to the economy of your town other than wearing an animal costume and promoting the death of your species.
I'm trying to picture the interview for this job.
Boss: Can you walk?
Applicant: Yes.
Boss: Can you walk with an extra layer of clothes on?
Applicant: Yes.
Boss: Well, you meet all the requirements. After a comprehensive background check and a call to Disney World to check your references, I feel safe in saying you'll be our new Cliff the Cow by this time next week.
All that being said, I have no problems with GUS, Georgia Southern's mascot that walks around at football and basketball games and plays with the children. He seems like a happy-go-lucky bird with dance moves I can only dream of having.
So what does this all mean, other than the fact that large bunnies scare me, but dancing eagles don't? Well, as best as I can tell, it means I have too much free time to worry about these things.