Snakes . . . on a Plane!

After months of hype, based almost exclusively on the title alone, “Snakes on a Plane” opened recently in theaters.

As one of the people who actually followed the hype from the beginning, I was actually looking forward to the movie with such a succinct title. After all, how could the movie go wrong? It had snakes. On a plane. What more could you need?

When I initially asked Yes Dear if she wanted to go see it, she looked at me as though I’d asked if she would mind if Catherine Zeta-Jones and I spent a romantic weekend together at a beach resort.

So when she (Yes Dear, not Zeta-Jones) went to Atlanta for the weekend, I knew it was probably my best chance to see the movie. Fortunately for me, Official Brother and some of his friends were going to see it Saturday afternoon, so I invited myself and a friend to go along with them.

After sitting though an inordinate amount of previews and commercials (is there anyone who would object to movie theaters publishing two times for each movie – the first for when the previews start and the second for when the actual movie starts? Anyone at all opposed to this?), the movie finally started.

It opens with a beach scene and the word “Snakes” on the screen for about three seconds, before they finally add “on a Plane.” It’s that kind of laughable suspense-building that made this movie perfect to go see with your friends to mock.

Of course, it’s your typical airplane movie. There’s the sudden loss of altitude that requires our heroes to pull up just in time to avoid crashing into the ocean. It’s got the overly dramatic dialogue in which Samuel L. Jackson says, “Let’s go get these people some air.” And, of course, it has the death of the pilots which means a passenger has to land the plane.

But in addition to those tried and true airplane movie staples, this movie had something extra. It had snakes.

Lots of snakes. And did I mention they were on the plane?

Fans flooded the Internet with comments about the movie that they actually got Samuel L. Jackson to reshoot some scenes to include one line that made the move.

But in an effort to keep this blog PG-13, I’ll paraphrase Jackson, who near the end of the movie says, “Enough is enough. I’ve had it with the motherfarking snakes on this motherfarking plane.” How could you go wrong with a movie that includes that line?

Overall, it was exactly what I was expecting when I went to see it. Come on, it’s not like there were going to be any surprises. There were going to be snakes and they were going to be on a plane.

That said, if you choose to wait and rent this when it comes out on DVD, I implore you to watch it with a group of friends. If you watch it by yourself, it’ll be boring. In fact, if you need someone to watch it with you, give me a call. I’d love to see it again.

Fantasy Update: Shakira’s hips may not lie, but her mouth has as she hasn’t called me back to set up our date. Granted, I don’t think she was talking to me when she said “. . . . yes . . . .” but if you’re going to say your hips don’t lie, I think the rest of you shouldn’t lie either. In other fantasy news, the Fighting Squirrels have continued their free-fall, going 6-8-2 in one league (but remaining in second place and clinching a playoff spot) while falling 5-9-1 in the other league to 3.5 games out of the playoffs.
Fantasy Corollary: I had the second of my two fantasy football drafts Sunday night. I wasn’t overly thrilled with my draft, but not totally disappointed either. I guess we’ll see how it goes this year.

Cubs Update: We still suck, getting swept by St. Louis over the weekend.
Twins Corollary: After naming the Twins my team to cheer for down the stretch, they took two of three games from the Wild Card leading White Sox and now have a 1/2 game lead in the Wild Card.

House update: Yes Dear wants to paint on Labor Day. I’d rather not, but then again, I’m ok not painting for a while. Odds are I’ll be painting. Also, we’re still working on getting grass in the yard. It’s coming along ok, but not great.

New Weekly Update update: On Family Guy, Peter Griffin got a local segment on the news in which he discussed “what really grinds my gears.” I like the idea of having a place to regularly complain on this blog, so I’m introducing a new update (it’s my blog, what are you going to do about it? . . . I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get upset. Please don’t stop reading. You’re a valued reader and I appreciate you wasting part of your week reading about my mundane life.) Anyway, I’m happy to add my new feature that was inspired by “Snakes on a Plane. “I’ve had it with these motherfarking _____ (in, on, other preposition) this motherfarking (noun.)

I’ve had it with the motherfarking ants in my motherfarking house: For some reason, we’ve had a lot of ants in our house since we bought it. We’ve fought the good fight with a can of Raid, but they’re still in the house.

Thanks for reading. In the words of Apu, “Thank you. Come again.”