If Ben Stein's the exciting one in your duo . . .
Remember Ben Stein? He had a hit game show on Comedy Central (which was really a showcase for Jimmy Kimmel's quick wit. I watch the reruns now on the Game Show Network and I'd forgotten just how funny that show was. Yet, for some reason, Kimmel's late-night show sucks. Someone explain this to me.) Anyway, I first became aware of Stein when he played the monotone teacher in the classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off. (Bueller, Bueller. Anyone, anyone? I love that!)
So why do I bring up Ben Stein? Well, he's the only guy I could think of to compare our local sports radio "personality" (a term I use in the loosest sense of the word) to. Imagine Stein's character in Ferris Bueller without the enthusiasm or happy-go-lucky persona, and that's the local hack they gave a daily two-hour radio show to here. It's absolutely ghastly.
The name of the show is "Ted & the Team," but apparently, the team has been on strike since the show began. As best as I can tell, he has about three guests a week and spends more time talking about the Georgia Bulldogs than the Georgia Southern Eagles, the school that happens to reside in the same town he works in. And callers, forget about it. I don't think he'd know what to do if that phone rang. However, I've obtained an exclusive transcript of the host trying to call a person named Lois.
Ted: [Picking up the phone.] Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Ted: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113.
To say the show is bad would be a gross misrepresentation of the word "bad." "Unlistenable" comes to mind, but that conjures up images of Ashlee Simpson, and no good comes from that.
One of the regular "features" on Ted's show is the reading of the schedules. That's right, ladies and gentleman, this sports talk show as devolved into listening to a man read the upcoming NFL schedule on a Tuesday. But wait, there's more. He's always more than happy to read the conference schedule for the SEC, the ACC and the Southern Conference, but don't expect any insight or observations about the game. And it's not like he has a "radio" voice. It's kind of a nasally voice that, if you listen to it long enough, with either drive you into a trance or drive you to kill a man just to see what it feels like.
And to make matters worse, our local station would rather run this garbage than the Sports Bash, a fantastic ESPN radio show that despite it's overhype of the NFL, is still one of the best ways to spend listening to sports. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why he's still on the air. I lost sleep just thinking "If there's a God in heaven, why is he subjecting us to this?" I've contemplated pulling a Peter Griffin and running my truck into the radio antenna, but that would also mean missing The Dan Patrick Show or Game Night, both of which are great for passing the time at work.
Law & Order corner
Continuing our countdown of the characters of Law and Order, finishing second to the bottom is George Dzundza. To be fair, he was only on the show for its first year and you can tell that the writers were figuring out exactly how they wanted the show to run, but come on, he's the Pete Best of Law & Order. Granted, he left because he didn't want to work outside and ruin his voice (he's appeared in countless movies and TV roles), but it's Law and Order. Surely you knew you had a hit on your hands. However, his leaving opened the way for various cast changes to be made without affecting the overall premise of the show.
By the way, tonight's episode . . . fantastic, even with the worn out premise that the rookie ADA makes a mistake that nearly cost them the case before Jack McCoy does some of his best lawyering.
What I'm watching: I Love the 90s; Part Deux
What I want to read: God's Politics
On Deck: The unveiling of a new feature.
So why do I bring up Ben Stein? Well, he's the only guy I could think of to compare our local sports radio "personality" (a term I use in the loosest sense of the word) to. Imagine Stein's character in Ferris Bueller without the enthusiasm or happy-go-lucky persona, and that's the local hack they gave a daily two-hour radio show to here. It's absolutely ghastly.
The name of the show is "Ted & the Team," but apparently, the team has been on strike since the show began. As best as I can tell, he has about three guests a week and spends more time talking about the Georgia Bulldogs than the Georgia Southern Eagles, the school that happens to reside in the same town he works in. And callers, forget about it. I don't think he'd know what to do if that phone rang. However, I've obtained an exclusive transcript of the host trying to call a person named Lois.
Ted: [Picking up the phone.] Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Ted: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113.
To say the show is bad would be a gross misrepresentation of the word "bad." "Unlistenable" comes to mind, but that conjures up images of Ashlee Simpson, and no good comes from that.
One of the regular "features" on Ted's show is the reading of the schedules. That's right, ladies and gentleman, this sports talk show as devolved into listening to a man read the upcoming NFL schedule on a Tuesday. But wait, there's more. He's always more than happy to read the conference schedule for the SEC, the ACC and the Southern Conference, but don't expect any insight or observations about the game. And it's not like he has a "radio" voice. It's kind of a nasally voice that, if you listen to it long enough, with either drive you into a trance or drive you to kill a man just to see what it feels like.
And to make matters worse, our local station would rather run this garbage than the Sports Bash, a fantastic ESPN radio show that despite it's overhype of the NFL, is still one of the best ways to spend listening to sports. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why he's still on the air. I lost sleep just thinking "If there's a God in heaven, why is he subjecting us to this?" I've contemplated pulling a Peter Griffin and running my truck into the radio antenna, but that would also mean missing The Dan Patrick Show or Game Night, both of which are great for passing the time at work.
Law & Order corner
Continuing our countdown of the characters of Law and Order, finishing second to the bottom is George Dzundza. To be fair, he was only on the show for its first year and you can tell that the writers were figuring out exactly how they wanted the show to run, but come on, he's the Pete Best of Law & Order. Granted, he left because he didn't want to work outside and ruin his voice (he's appeared in countless movies and TV roles), but it's Law and Order. Surely you knew you had a hit on your hands. However, his leaving opened the way for various cast changes to be made without affecting the overall premise of the show.
By the way, tonight's episode . . . fantastic, even with the worn out premise that the rookie ADA makes a mistake that nearly cost them the case before Jack McCoy does some of his best lawyering.
What I'm watching: I Love the 90s; Part Deux
What I want to read: God's Politics
On Deck: The unveiling of a new feature.
posted by Luke at 12:50 AM
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