ESPN, ESPN, my kingdom for ESPN
(Note: The following column appeared in the June 19, 2005 Statesboro Herald)
Hello, I'm Luke and I'm an ESPNaholic.
There, I've said it. After years of denial and telling myself I could quit anytime I wanted to, I'm finally ready to admit that ESPN has become an essential part of my life, and I'd be lost without it.
If the "Worldwide Leader in Sports" wants to show the Women's College World Series, I'll watch. If hockey ever comes back and ESPN decides to show it, I'll be there. If there's a World's Strongest Man competition being televised, I'll watch so I know who not to pick a fight with.
And it's not just ESPN. My satellite package also carries ESPNews (think CNN Headline News for sports fans) and ESPN Classic (think Turner Classic Movies, only instead of movies, they show classic sporting events.)
Yes, I realize watching old sporting events is practically pointless, especially when I already know the outcome, but have you seen the offerings on television lately?
Instead of Good Morning America or The Today Show to get me going before leaving for work in the morning, it's SportsCenter or a quick check of ESPNews before heading out the door.
But my obsession doesn't end there. Once inside my truck, I turn on ESPN radio where I get more analysis and details from the previous night in sports.
And once I get to the office, the first thing I do (even before checking my messages or email) is to turn ESPN radio on.
While some here in the office monitor the police scanner for useful information, I keep one ear glued to the radio in case some breaking sports news happens.
But wait, there's more. ESPN.com has several features they update daily that require me to visit their site several times while at work.
That website may be the single biggest factor in the decline of workplace productivity since the advent of the water cooler.
Somewhere between checking ESPN.com and listening to ESPN radio, I manage to actually get some work done. Usually it's during the commercial breaks or when they start talking about the NBA.
When I get home, I'll turn on the television in time to watch Pardon the Interruption, a show where two Washington Post sports columnists argue about the days sports news. I can rationalize this part of my ESPN addition by saying I'm supporting my newspaper brethren, but deep down, if it was on Fox Sports Net, I doubt I'd watch.
I can't remember a time when ESPN wasn't an essential part of my life. Even as a child, when I would get up in the morning before school, I'd have to watch SportsCenter before getting on the bus.
I'm not sure if Yes Dear is growing to like (or at least tolerate) sports or simply has resigned herself to the fact that ESPN is going to be a large part of my life. However, I have come home to find her watching ESPN when I'm not there.
(This may be the first step towards naming our future child "Espn" after the network. Maybe we could name a second child "The Deuce" after ESPN2.)
Between watching, reading or listening (even as background noise), I spend roughly two-thirds of my waking hours exposed to something related to ESPN.
(And to think, I don't even subscribe to ESPN The Magazine, published on Earth, The Planet. That's an untapped ESPN outlet I need to explore.)
This is the part of the column I think I'm supposed to pledge to change my ways and become more well-rounded, but I don't want to change.
To paraphrase 80s pop star Robert Palmer, "I might as well face it, I'm addicted to ESPN."
Weekend Update: Just one day after getting my air conditioner fixed, we left the comforts of home for South Carolina to visit the in-laws. Other than watching Yes Dear's brother's hockey game and going out to dinner on Saturday, there wasn't much to report. Sunday we met our new associated pastor and finished off the laundry. By sleeping in my own bed on both Saturday night and Sunday night, it marked the first time in seven days that I spent back to back nights in my bed. Other places I slept included a recliner, a sofa bed and the floor at my in-laws (when their kids moved out, they got rid of the double beds, so it was the floor for me Friday night).
Cubs Update: The Cubs were swept by the New York Yankees over the weekend. We're now 34-33. (For more Cubs info, see "Useless info" below)
Fantasy update: Angie Harmon still hasn't called me, but the Fighting Squirrels had a good week, going 11-6-0 in one league and remain in sixth place (but only 9.5 games back). In the other league the Fighting Squirrels went 8-4-0 to move into fourth place.
Useless information that may be intersting to only me: The Cubs are 0-7 all time in Yankee Stadium.
On Deck: Wednesday Rant about self-checkout at supermarkets.
Hello, I'm Luke and I'm an ESPNaholic.
There, I've said it. After years of denial and telling myself I could quit anytime I wanted to, I'm finally ready to admit that ESPN has become an essential part of my life, and I'd be lost without it.
If the "Worldwide Leader in Sports" wants to show the Women's College World Series, I'll watch. If hockey ever comes back and ESPN decides to show it, I'll be there. If there's a World's Strongest Man competition being televised, I'll watch so I know who not to pick a fight with.
And it's not just ESPN. My satellite package also carries ESPNews (think CNN Headline News for sports fans) and ESPN Classic (think Turner Classic Movies, only instead of movies, they show classic sporting events.)
Yes, I realize watching old sporting events is practically pointless, especially when I already know the outcome, but have you seen the offerings on television lately?
Instead of Good Morning America or The Today Show to get me going before leaving for work in the morning, it's SportsCenter or a quick check of ESPNews before heading out the door.
But my obsession doesn't end there. Once inside my truck, I turn on ESPN radio where I get more analysis and details from the previous night in sports.
And once I get to the office, the first thing I do (even before checking my messages or email) is to turn ESPN radio on.
While some here in the office monitor the police scanner for useful information, I keep one ear glued to the radio in case some breaking sports news happens.
But wait, there's more. ESPN.com has several features they update daily that require me to visit their site several times while at work.
That website may be the single biggest factor in the decline of workplace productivity since the advent of the water cooler.
Somewhere between checking ESPN.com and listening to ESPN radio, I manage to actually get some work done. Usually it's during the commercial breaks or when they start talking about the NBA.
When I get home, I'll turn on the television in time to watch Pardon the Interruption, a show where two Washington Post sports columnists argue about the days sports news. I can rationalize this part of my ESPN addition by saying I'm supporting my newspaper brethren, but deep down, if it was on Fox Sports Net, I doubt I'd watch.
I can't remember a time when ESPN wasn't an essential part of my life. Even as a child, when I would get up in the morning before school, I'd have to watch SportsCenter before getting on the bus.
I'm not sure if Yes Dear is growing to like (or at least tolerate) sports or simply has resigned herself to the fact that ESPN is going to be a large part of my life. However, I have come home to find her watching ESPN when I'm not there.
(This may be the first step towards naming our future child "Espn" after the network. Maybe we could name a second child "The Deuce" after ESPN2.)
Between watching, reading or listening (even as background noise), I spend roughly two-thirds of my waking hours exposed to something related to ESPN.
(And to think, I don't even subscribe to ESPN The Magazine, published on Earth, The Planet. That's an untapped ESPN outlet I need to explore.)
This is the part of the column I think I'm supposed to pledge to change my ways and become more well-rounded, but I don't want to change.
To paraphrase 80s pop star Robert Palmer, "I might as well face it, I'm addicted to ESPN."
Weekend Update: Just one day after getting my air conditioner fixed, we left the comforts of home for South Carolina to visit the in-laws. Other than watching Yes Dear's brother's hockey game and going out to dinner on Saturday, there wasn't much to report. Sunday we met our new associated pastor and finished off the laundry. By sleeping in my own bed on both Saturday night and Sunday night, it marked the first time in seven days that I spent back to back nights in my bed. Other places I slept included a recliner, a sofa bed and the floor at my in-laws (when their kids moved out, they got rid of the double beds, so it was the floor for me Friday night).
Cubs Update: The Cubs were swept by the New York Yankees over the weekend. We're now 34-33. (For more Cubs info, see "Useless info" below)
Fantasy update: Angie Harmon still hasn't called me, but the Fighting Squirrels had a good week, going 11-6-0 in one league and remain in sixth place (but only 9.5 games back). In the other league the Fighting Squirrels went 8-4-0 to move into fourth place.
Useless information that may be intersting to only me: The Cubs are 0-7 all time in Yankee Stadium.
On Deck: Wednesday Rant about self-checkout at supermarkets.
posted by Luke at 3:19 PM
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