So long, farewell.

Goodbye curling, we hardly knew you.

For the better part of the past two weeks, I'd come home from work and immediately turn on CNBC, not because I've got any financial knowledge that needs to be expanded, but because they were the only channel showing Olympic events at 5 p.m. Eastern Time.

And while they were showing Olympic events, they weren't showing events that were sure to be a huge ratings draw. They were showing curling.

It took me three days to figure out the basics of the game (I'm not real quick.) Essentially, you get a point for every stone that's closer to the center than you opponent's stone.

Matches generally last about two-and-a-half hours. (I believe that's what they're called. It could be games, or contests. I'm not really sure. Then again, I didn't know what point the brooms had until the beginning of the second week of the tournament) So I was enjoying curling long after Yes Dear got home and said "Why are you watching this?"

By the medal rounds, she didn't even bother asking any more. She'd just sit down and suffer though the final four "ends" (they're similar to innings, and if you don't know what an inning is, you probably don't need to be reading this blog).

I, meanwhile, was waiting for the skip to throw an out-turn draw to the four-foot to score two. Or, I'd want the third to throw a double with the hammer to blank the end.

In other words, I got caught up in the curling hysteria that was sweeping the nation. (Seriously, I didn't intend the pun. It's really bad. I'm sorry you had to read it. I'm even more sorry that my mind came up with it.) I enjoyed watching it. Given the chance, I think I'd enjoy playing curling, especially with my newfound knowledge.

Sadly, it'll be another four years before I see curling again. No more in-turn draws. No more guards. No more watching non-English-speaking teams shouting what I can only presume are words of instruction to the sweepers. Somehow I will have to fill the void in my life created by the excitement-filled world of curling.

A better person would spend the next four years studying ancient literature, doing charitable works for the less fortunate and conditioning my body though exercise. Instead I'll play fantasy sports, watch American Idol (bring back Becky!) and generally do my best not to be a huge detriment to society.

So farewell curlers. It's back to obscurity for you. (Well, except for those female curlers who posed nude for a promotional calendar. Your fifteen minutes of fame still have a few more ticks on the clock. And sorry guys, you'll have to find those pictures on your own.) But when I sweep my kitchen floor, I'll remember you. When I slide down a sheet of ice directing a 42-pound stone towards a 12-foot circle in an attempt to get my rock closer than my opponents, I'll think of you.

See you in Vancouver in 2010.

Weekend update: Friday, Yes Dear and I went to a party at a friends house for oysters and a low-country boil. A good time was had by all. Saturday, we'd planned on going to the Georgia Southern baseball game, but it rained all day, so we didn't do anything fun. Sunday we celebrated Official Brother's birthday (it was actually Saturday, but the Official Girlfriend of Official Brother couldn't make it to celebrate, so we did it a day late.)

House update: We have a frame and a roof. Yes Dear is already planning out how she's going to decorate.

Pre-Fantasy update: I'm drafting in March for three different teams. In other words, I'll be cheering for virtually every player in every game and against every player in every game.

Cubs update: The Cubs are still undefeated in 2006. Sure, there is more than a month until the season begins, but I've got to enjoy this while I can.

Next Post: Either Wednesday or next Monday.

How sweet it is (to be loved by you)

Contrary to what you might think by the title, this post has nothing to do with Valentines Day, Yes Dear or anything you would normally associate with the song title.

Instead, I want to write today about the seven sweetest words in the English language that don't include "Catherine Zeta-Jones is at your door."

No, I'm referring to "Pitchers and catchers reported to Spring Training."

(But if you picked "The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has arrived," give yourselves partial credit.

Today, our long, national nightmare is over. Baseball is back, taking my attention away from Yes Dear, household responsibilities, work, health, friends, family and all the other things I pay attention to from November to mid-February.

Today, the Cubs aren't in last place. (Check back in three months for an update on this)

Today, my fantasy teams aren't devastated by injuries, age and poor general managing skills.

I'm looking forward to countless hours watching the Cubs blow eighth-inning leads, watching my fantasy players be suspended, one by one, for steroids and generally having my love for the game sucked away ounce by ounce during the summer.

So with the season but a few weeks away from beginning, I'd like to give a "Tip of the Hat" or "Wag of the Finger" (Stephen Colbert style) to some off season moves.

A Tip of the Hat to the Cubs for acquiring Juan Pierre, one of the game's top leadoff hitters. According to Chicago play-by-play announcer Len Kasper (who watched Pierre as the Marlins play-by-play guy), Pierre instantly makes the Cubs better. Kudos Cubs management.

A Wag of the Finger to the guy who abandoned his fantasy team last year and left me with a heaping pile of dog doo to choose from. You see, during the offseason, I agreed to join a keeper league fantasy group. For the uninitiated, a keeper league allows you to keep a certain number of players from your previous team from year to year. Tom Cruise gave more attention to the SI swimsuit issue than the previous owner gave to his fantasy team. (And yes, I joined the "I made a Tom Cruise gay joke" club with my previous sentence.)

A Tip of the Hat to my parents for getting me Extra Innings on my satellite package this season. I'll now have 97 percent of all baseball games available to watch all season long. I can only imagine this is how Jesus feels when he wants to watch a baseball game. (We all know the New York Yankees blackout their games in heaven, forcing God to attend the game if he wants to see A-Rod play.)

However, A severe Wag of the Finger to my parents for quadruple-handedly trying to sabotage my marriage to Yes Dear by getting me Extra Innings. You're never going to get that grandchild you want if you give me baseball games to watch from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. each night.

My final Tip of the Hat goes to Yes Dear, for agreeing to give me a sports room in our new house. I get to decorate it with posters and jerseys and bobble heads.

And the final Wag of my Finger goes to the Major League Baseball schedule maker for having the Cubs only trip to Atlanta be in September, when we all know the Cubs will be out of playoff contention. For shame on that guy.

Unrelated Wag of my Finger goes to the Statesboro Convention and Visitor's Bureau for not having a banner on their webpage proclaiming "Statesboro: Hostage Free since January 17." (And yes, I stole this idea from Official Brother.)

Thanks for reading. With millions of choices out there, we know you could have wasted those last five minutes elsewhere, but you picked here.

Home Sweet Home

Yes Dear and I are taking the plunge.

No, not the Nestea plunge (though that always looked relaxing). Instead, after nearly three years of living in our two-bedroom apartment that is becoming increasingly cramped, we've begun the process of getting a house.

After spening several months looking around (and being in limbo waiting to find out if she'd get the job at Georgia Southern, we settled on a three bedroom, two bath home in a new subdivision here in town. It's also got a one-car garage and a den that Yes Dear is graciously letting me have as a sports room. (i.e., it's the only room I get to decorate.)

It won't be ready until the end of May, so we've still got 3.5 months where we are now, but Yes Dear is enjoying driving by the site (it's a little more than a mile from where she works) and watching the progress. She came home one afternoon and exclaimed "we've got plumbing."

Yesterday, she came home and informed me we had a slab of concrete down, so slowly but surely our house is going up.

I guess this means we'll be part of the American Dream of owning a home. I'm just excited to get out of our apartment.

Who are you

Hey guys and gals, remember me?

I'm the guy who used to post regularly on his blog but then abandoned it for several weeks and now expects to have people reading it again.

I'd like to give you a valid reason as to why my blog has been neglected lo these many days, so I'll give you one: I was busy finding a cure for male pattern baldness.

Unfortunately, that's not actually true, but it would have been valid. The truth is I got lazy and spent my time reading other people's blogs and other stuff on the interweb. (They've even got entire sites on this here internet devoted entirely to sports. I wish someone had alerted me to that earlier in life.)

You might think that with so many days between postings I might actually have something to write about that would be worth your time, but the fact is I don't. You see, after I finished reading "Three Nights in August," I started reading "Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty" and now that I've finished that, I've moved on to "Moneyball." And because I realize that most of you A.) aren't huge baseball fans and B.) don't want to read some two-bit hack's review of baseball books, I'll spare you a lengthy review.

So what am I going to write about in my less-than-triumphant return to the blogsphere? I'm going to answer two questions posed by fellow bloggers on their sites recently.

1. If you had to put five songs on an iPod to send to aliens in another galaxy, what would they be?

Alright, that's the short version of the question, but since Scott put so much thought into setting up his hypothetical interlude, I figure I should send you his way to get the full question.

Before I answer, I think it's ludicrous to assume that sending five songs on an iPod to aliens in another galaxy would allow them to learn anything about life here on Earth? First of all, while music is able to convey emotion better, books would be the way to go if we wanted our new iPod-loving overlords to understand our little planet. (And for the record, I, for one, welcome our new, iPod-loving overlords and look forward to their musical reign.)

Secondly, the idea that the aliens would be able to glean any information from songs in English is absurd. Sure, they may be able to pick up a rhythm and even perhaps replicate the sounds, but it would be meaningless to them. It would be the equivalent of having never heard Chinese and then getting five random songs from China with no way to interpret them. I wouldn't know anything more about the Chinese culture after listening to the songs than I did before.

Despite all that, I'll go along with the game and give you my list:

1. "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel. What better way to give our alien overlords a glimpse into what they're taking over than to send them a brief history of the world. Sure, they may not understand it, but at least they could land and start screaming "I can't take it anymore!"

2. "American Pie" - Don McLean. Since we covered the history of the world (Part I) in song number one, why not give a quick lesson in the musical history since rock and roll began. The rampant symbolism may get in the way of their true understanding.

3. "Imagine" - John Lennon. No musical gift to our new alien friends would be complete without something from a former Beatle.

4. "Pride (In the Name of Love)" - U2. Probably the most powerful U2 song (though I could be persuaded by "Sunday Bloody Sunday") and another way to offer a glimpse into what the aliens are coming to take over.

5. "I'm too Sexy" - Right Said Fred - Could there be anything funnier than our new alien rulers walking around saying "I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk, yeah. I shake my little tush on the catwalk."

Question 2: If I were forced to pick one network (of ABC, CBS, Fox and NBC) to watch and forgo all the others, which would it be?

At first glance, many of you are going to assume I'm taking NBC simply because they show "Law & Order." I'm tempted to do that. And because I haven't actually made up my mind yet, let's walk though the choices.

ABC: Plus side: Desperate Housewives, College Football (though the BCS Games are on Fox now) and not much else. I didn't realize how little I watch that channel.
Negative side: Freddie, Dancing with the Stars.
There's a better chance of Teri Hatcher calling me for a date than there is of me picking ABC in this contest.

CBS: Plus side: How I Met Your Mother, Big Brother (Yeah, I said it), Survivor, March Madness, NFL games, Criminal Minds.
Negatives: Only SEC football, I can't get into CSI.

FOX: Plus side: American Idol, MLB games, NFL games, BCS Football games, Simpsons, Family Guy
Negatives: Only two hours of prime time broadcasting, it's the same network that aired "Who wants to marry a multimillionaire?"

NBC: Plus side: the Law & Order franchise, My Name is Earl
Negatives: Everything else (Seriously, have you seen their shows? I think Family Guy said it best when they were showing an NBC sign that read "We used to have Seinfeld, remember?"

So of that motley crew, who do I take? Well, I think I'm going to have to go with CBS.

See you again soon and, as always, thanks for reading.